[2015.May]
Walking past our local art school always makes me wonder how my life would've turn out if i wasn't scared.If I had just a little bit more confidence and if I would just given myself a little bit more credit.
I know that everyone says that you shouldn't live in the past, but sometimes you just can't help it but wonder how things would've work out.
It's probably the only thing I would change if I could go back in time (if anyone out there knows a way, hit me up with the info).
I will introduce here the corny excuse most people tell after an unfulfilled dream or failed task "Everything happens for a reason", I used to believe in that so hard in my younger years, it was good for everything, relationships, friendships, accidents, most life events.
It's comforting, it takes away the blame.Most of you would probably say:"yes but what you've been through helped you become who you are now" and you are totally right, I agree but you don't know anything, who you would be if your choices were different, for example maybe you wouldn't take one year to finally realize what you really want to do with your life, in which direction do you want your life to turn, which by the way was right under your eyes.Maybe it would've been easier, you know, for you, for your soul.There are so many hard and tiring things in life in the future maybe an easier start would've helped.I took the hard path, I learned the hard way, but I guess right now I'm headed into the right direction, I'm doing what I love and maybe in a year I'll reflect on these times and have a totally changed opinion but right now, what I do, where I tend to go and what I intend to accomplish make me happy and confident and I'm writing this down to remind myself that for the first time I have a direction and a final goal.
[2016.May]
I made it!
I did it.
I got into art school, and I feel so very accomplished and fulfilled.
I keep learning new things, I keep discovering myself and new ways to express myself.
I absolutely love what I'm doing, and this path I'm walking on.
I've met lovely people who turned out to be my friends, I love being around them, they are the nicest people ever.
At home everything is calm, looking back at the rough times we went through last year, now everything is amazing.
I've met an amazing person, who now, I can proudly call my boyfriend, he is the best.I absolutely love him so much, it's unbelievable how well we complete and understand each other.I've never felt this way before, it's like a fairytale.
All I have to say is that it was worth it, it was worth every tear and every sleepless night, I wouldn't change a thing.I feel so happy.
This post is for every person who is going through a rough time, please hold on, things are always getting better, and this is just an example.
Please don't give up, life can be pretty amazing, wait and experience it on your own. :)
Take care!
B.
I would've never imagined that we were going to end up together.
For us to meet,the stars must've aligned pretty well,so many incidents,so many roadblocks,mind changing and confusion led to us being brought in the same place.
I've seen him in the first day of college,sitting on a chair,he seemed a bit detached and even a bit snooty with his cool beard and leather jacket,he seemed pretty badass I'm not gonna lie,I think that was one of the main reasons I noticed him,I usually just see through people,because frankly I'm not a fan of human nature and I wasn't there to find any possible romance;but he seemed interesting.
College classes started and everyone found their group of people they had common interests with,or so we thought(but that's another story),he had his best bud and slowly but kinda obviously for an outsider he started liking this girl.We were all pretty sure they'll end up together,but it wasn't meant to be like that I guess.Time has passed and he was talking to us more,us classmates,he seemed okay,he seemed like a nice guy.
Then one day a few of us had to stay a bit longer and we kinda started talking and messing around,laughing about hands and how bendy his fingers are,then that night we started chatting here and there,I think this mutual creepiness and similar music taste gave us some subjects to talk about.I liked talking to him,I found him smart,there was something about him,something that made me think about him.
We talked,and it was so easy,it's so easy to talk to him and it comes so naturally.I love his mind,I love his soul,what else could you possibly ask for?
So we started chatting for days and quite frankly we never stopped since.
Our first "date"well,i didn't know it's a date,I'm still not sure to this day if it was,but we took it easy and slowly.I remember not seeing him in the crowd when I got there and he grabbed my arm and there he was,tall and handsome,dressed all in black,I was mesmerized.I remember I had so much fun,I remember being so shocked about the fact that an almost stranger could make me open up like that.I remember laughing and talking about serious matters.And I remember waiting for my tram thinking "damn,that was nice".
After that we kept hanging out,I remember the second time we went out,we were walking,trying to find creepy streets,it was cold and dark but I loved it.I remember he pulled the belt that was attached to my coat and at one point i was thinking,"man just kiss me".
So the time went by and I remember going to the movies around Christmas,we saw Krampus,we laughed a lot,I was so sure he would kiss me that time.It was our 3rd date.So the movie was done and we went to his car driving around town;I love seeing him driving,to this day I still can't stop staring when he's on my left side,I just can't stop myself,the only thing that makes me look away it's the terrible thought of me causing an accident because my stare made him feel uncomfortable;we were searching for a coffee shop but they were all full so we just took a walk in the park.It was nice,it was always nice being around him,his presence made me happy,I remember laughing with him,I remember being so content and jolly and I remember we just got it,we understood each other.
But then it got really cold so we decided to go home,he walked me to the station and just left.
At that point I got really sad and I was thinking that probably I was just mistaking and obviously he just wanted us to be friends.It was okay I guess.I liked being around him.
We met up a few times after that,casually;at school we had some pretty obvious eye-contacts but nothing more.
Than one evening we went for a walk in the park and after that for a coffee and for the first time,he touched my hand,shy and unsure,we were just playing with hands,it wasn't even holding hands haha,thinking back now it was so innocent and pure.
He touched my knee and I knew.I liked this boy more than I've let myself acknowledge it.
I felt all kind of emotions,when he touched me I caught on fire, I wanted more but at the same time I was so scared,scared of my own feelings,of what this thing between us might turn out to be,I was scared of being vulnerable.
But that was it for that night.
We kept going out for walks for a bit,until that glorious day,the day he finally kissed me.
It was after New Years eve,we went out for coffees,actually I remember he got tea cause he was having a cold,the night before we stayed up until morning talking about everything and I might have had some champagne so I let my guard down for a bit;I told him my fears and somehow he seemed to have all the right answers for my fears and strange questions.
So we were sitting in this coffee shop,prior that in a conversation he somehow made me promise him a kiss,so he asked me about it and I kissed his cheek,and after that somehow he took my face and kissed me,properly.There was this man in front of us at a table,alone,staring,but I felt FIREWORKS,and I felt warm and cozy on the inside and it felt right and I was purely happy.
After that we went for a walk in a park and we found this bench slightly lit up by some street lights and we took a seat.It was so cold my hands and his legs were shaking.I remember we sat there kissing,hugging,being so thankful for each others presence,being so thankful that we found each other.We didn't care about anything.We were there.Together.Happy.
I was hoping he likes my kisses,I certainly liked his :)
It was amazing.I got lucky enough to meet the person I was hoping for and looking for,for so long.
Now,looking back,I feel so lucky,I am so in love,I am realizing every day how perfect we are for one another,how we complete each other, how many things he does for me,how well he understands me,how we learn and grow together.This life seems so much easier when I know he is there, holding my hand.I guess when you meet people you are supposed to,you just can't stay away.
I wouldn't change a thing.I am proud of what we built together,and without any doubt one day we will rule this world.
